


Dream Departure

by scarlettcat



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Patented Daydream Charms (Harry Potter), Post-Hogwarts, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:22:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26500591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarlettcat/pseuds/scarlettcat
Summary: Hermione quibbles with George over her satisfaction with a Daydream Charm.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
Comments: 13
Kudos: 89





	Dream Departure

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a little something silly that I wrote in 2012. Fred isn't in this one, but for the record, I would never kill him off. Well, only if I killed off George too and they were like evil, pranking poltergeists or something weird like that.

“I want my money back,” demanded Hermione, slamming a package on the counter.

George picked it up and read the back of the box. “Patented Erotic Daydream Charm. Guaranteed to orgasm or your money back.” He looked up at her in surprise. “You didn't orgasm?”

“I did,” she stated unabashedly. “Multiple times.”

“Then I don't see the problem,” he replied, pushing the package back to her.

Hermione determinedly slid it back to him. “The label specifically said, 'Steamy office romance with handsome stranger.'”

“So?”

“So, it was Malfoy,” she hissed.

George's eyebrows shot up into his head. “But that's impossible. He's not handsome at all.”

Hermione cleared her throat uncomfortably. “The point is he's not a stranger. He works down the hall from me. I see him everyday. How am I supposed to look him in the eye and not think of... things?”

“Did you read the incantation right?”

“Of course I read it right,” Hermione huffed indignantly. 

“And you read the directions?”

“Who do you think I am? Ron?”

“But did you read all of them?” he persisted, giving her a pointed look.

Hermione let out an exasperated sigh. “Alright I didn't exactly read all of them, but it's not like it's that complex of a charm.”

“I don't know,” George hedged. “How do I know you didn't dream up having sex with Malfoy all on your own?”

“You seriously believe that I just imagined Malfoy taking me on my desk without some serious magic involved?” 

“Maybe you have some secret desire to get down and dirty with the great white ferret. Or...” said George dramatically, “maybe you really had sex with Malfoy.”

Hermione and George looked at each other for a moment and then both burst out laughing.

Quickly pulling herself together, Hermione got back to the business at hand. “Seriously, are you going to give me my money back or not?” 

“Well...” Just as George was about to cave and give her a refund, the bell above the door rang and in walked the very devil they were speaking of.

“Granger,” Malfoy greeted Hermione with a smirk. Glancing indifferently at George, he said, “And Weasel I don't know the name of.”

“I'm ...”

“I should have phrased that differently,” Malfoy interrupted rudely. “I meant to say, Weasel I don't care to know the name of.”

George glared. “What are you doing here, Malfoy?”

“Just shopping,” Malfoy said with a shrug. “I hear you sell excellent Daydream Charms.”

Unable to tell a potential customer to sod off, George simply said, “We do.”

“That's a matter of opinion,” muttered Hermione.

Ignoring Hermione, George asked, “Regular or erotic?”

Malfoy looked at Hermione and replied, “Definitely erotic.”

Hermione felt her cheeks heat up, especially when George held up the package she had just been trying to return.

“Care to do it with a handsome stranger on your desk?” George asked Malfoy hopefully.

“That seems a little uninspired. And uncomfortable. Don't you think, Granger?” He smirked at her.

Hermione mumbled something unintelligible.

“I was looking for something a little more... exciting.” 

George went off to the backroom and came back with an armful of enticing-looking packages. Holding them up one by one, he listed off the names. _“Pirate Booty Call; Regency Ravage Fest; Naughty School Girl Fantasy I, II, III, IV or V; Perverted Potion Master; Bondage Banshee; Ass-kaban Prison Party; Wicked Witches Gone Wild_...” 

“I'll take the lot,” interjected Malfoy, throwing his money on the counter.

George eagerly gathered up the money, handed Malfoy a bag containing his purchases and said cheerfully, “Come again.“

Malfoy smirked and replied, “I have a pretty good idea that I will be coming again. Very soon.” Winking at Hermione, Malfoy passed the bag to her and said, “Same time, same place? Just surprise me like last time.”

As Hermione watched Malfoy walk out the door in a complete state of shock, George pushed the Daydream Charm that she had been trying to return back to her and said, “Refund denied.”


End file.
